You & Driving
The milli-split second that “You” and “Driving” are mentioned in the same sentence, I feel like an Aussie sheep…afraid, VERY afraid.
OK, jokes aside, it’s real cliff-hanger stuff for me – not about you passing your driver’s test, but what it is that you’ll get up to in the next two years while your driving experience is still pretty much on a steep learning curve. For those well balanced, well prepared at the time of their test, it will be less of an impact. For those passing by fluke, it will be a HUGE impact, often leading to their first accident within weeks or months of getting their license…possibly the same day, while out celebrating their new “independence”. Here’s my personal experience after getting my license years ago – it’s a real eye opener!
Many people ask me why they are having such a battle learning to drive and almost without fail I’m looked at in amazement when I point out that an impatient and/or a perfectionist type of person will, more often than not, have a very skewed perception of their abilities and skill. They look quite shattered when I tell them when their progress is on par with their potential and capacity and with any of the drivers I’ve trained through the years. Their perfectionism always brings them under the impression that they are progressing slower than they actually are and slower than they personally think they should, and their perfectionism always leaves them frustrated with their progress, no matter how good that may be.
Yes, you do get people with what I call “mental stickiness” that simply get in their own way and in the way of their own progress, but generally, people overcome the initial jitters and start adjusting fairly soon. What happens next is a steady process of confidence building, which at any time, may make way for a relapse of stickiness, varying in frequency and severity. It’s just the way we are put together as humans, having a very powerful mind that can grasp reality and fiction equally well, which in turn influences every single thought and everything we do. Thought always determines action. It’s like a horror movie – either your mind deals with it…or it doesn’t quite like it so much.
YES, you drive with your mind!
Which brings me to the next thing. Your driving is really an expression of how other drivers see you and how you see yourself “fit in” as a person…often comparing yourself to others, or others comparing themselves to you, with both of you having a completely different view of you, the driver.
So? Who are you? The answer to THIS question relates to both your thinking preferences on a Left Brain/Right Brain scale and your doing preferences on a Control-Identity Type scale. Not only does the person that you are, on both levels, determine how you learn to drive but it also impacts on how you will interact with others on the road for as long as you are a driver, back seat driver, or even a passenger…and then some.
So what’s with this Control-Identity Type stuff?
We all need a sense of control and we typically get this in one of two ways:
We also rely on our sense of identity and we may get this in one of two ways:
The combination of these preferences for how people get their sense of control and identity may be different in different situations. Looking at the diagram below you will see the two axes along which infinite variance can be found.
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Dominating |
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Internal (I define |
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External
(Others |
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Submitting |
Independent
Independents deal with life on their own terms, doing their own thing – fiercely their own people. At a party they are not prone to care whether people agree with them or not when they argue – they can confidently observe or participate in gatherings. They may be argumentative or isolate themselves when working in teams.
Drifters
Drifters live in their own world, often withdrawing from the outside world whenever they can. They follow instructions well and generally comply because they want to and not because they have a need to be liked. They are the wall flowers at parties that take the first opportunity to go home. They seldom participate in team stuff at work but are serious about getting their jobs done.
Leader
Leaders like to be in charge and people look up to them. They are very seldom not surrounded by others and are considered the life and soul of a party while they enjoy what comes naturally.
Follower
Followers tend to cede control and trust leaders to help them succeed – it gives them the recognition they need from others. At parties, they mingle well and enjoy being in the company of people. These are the team players at work.
Balanced
This person adjusts well and tends to easily maintain a balanced position where the two axes intersect, as a comfort zone. Praise and pity are not enormous emotional impacts while they give or take control, and being alone or being among people tend to be equally acceptable.
I need to be balanced to cope with the learner drivers I’m trying to get into balance and being balanced worked for THIS dude.
That said and illustrated…
People tend to use their beliefs when perceiving things and they act according to their beliefs more than as situations really are
- the amazing feat of Selective Perception.
“…but I thought…” Sounds familiar?
Then, once people have decided that they believe something, they will tend to stick to that belief, even in the face of disconfirming or discomforting evidence
- the other amazing feat, of Belief Perseverence.
“…yes, but I still believe…” Sounds familiar?
Perhaps NOW some people will agree with me when I say that driving, as in simply operating a vehicle, is a far cry from driving, as the I-Am-Separate-Yet-I-Am-Interacting-With-Others…the one little fish in a massive shoal, driving concept.
Driving is like looking at an optical illusion, really – you HAVE to understand how the illusion impacts on your mind’s beliefs and perceptions and you HAVE to understand how your amazing mind will impact on understanding the illusion.
Whether driving instructors understand the people in their driver seat is one question. Whether people in an instructor’s driver seat understand that there are other drivers that need to be understood, is another question completely.
Get pre-occupied with YOU and you won’t notice what others do so much. If you can’t help but notice, you don’t have to condone or accept it – just try and understand. Very little work for great relief.
Let’s try to spread some understanding among ourselves as drivers, OK?
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